I was struck by a recent front page story in The New York Times that discussed the steady rise in Chinese students applying to U.S. colleges and universities.

While the article focused on how schools like Grinnell College in Iowa actively recruit in China and how an international students can “have an edge if he or she can pay full tuition,” my mind immediately fast-forwarded four years: Will the same universities that wooed these students and took their money help them land jobs when they graduate? No one seems to be talking about this.

Well, no one that is except the students themselves. On almost every campus I visit, international students from China and elsewhere approach me seeking advice on how to land positions in the U.S. once they receive their degrees.

Here are the tips I share, based on research, conversations with successful international workers and my own experience attending grad school in Australia and acquiring a visa to work there for an additional year:

1. Start early. This is good advice for any student (particularly in the current job market), but it’s especially crucial for students from outside the U.S. It will inevitably take longer to find a job with an employer that sponsors employees requiring work visas, so the sooner you start to look for positions, the better chance you’ll have.

2. Become an expert on the laws. Take it upon yourself to become an expert on your situation. The more you personally know about visas, work permits, deadlines, academic requirements, etc. (check out the U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services website for lots of information) the better decisions you’ll be able to make and the more empowered you’ll feel. Yes, this is a lot of work, but it’s more than worth it.

3. Engage with career services. In addition to doing your own research, seek expert help. Particularly if you attend a school that has a large population of foreign students, your university’s career services office will have lots of experience helping international students. Take advantage of everything they offer! Attend any event specifically for international students, read all information your career services office publishes and set up an appointment with a career counselor to discuss your individual situation.

4. Network. As more and more international students attend U.S. universities, there is a growing community of alumni who have walked in your shoes. Meet these people and ask for their advice! Through your career services office, professors, LinkedIn and Facebook, seek out people a few years older than you who have come from your home country and managed to find jobs in the U.S. They’ll likely be happy to share some tips and possibly even introduce you to the hiring managers at the companies where they landed jobs.

5. Stay positive and confident. While it can be frustrating to go through an international job search and visa application process, remember that you have a lot to offer an employer. Fluency in multiple languages, knowledge of international business practices and a global perspective are all extremely valuable in the workplace right now. Make sure that you are confident in your own abilities so an employer will want to invest in you.

Are you an international student who has landed a full-time job in the U.S.? Please share any additional tips or advice!

Networking is normal: The initial idea of walking up to a stranger to start a conversation may be a daunting task for anyone—especially when you want to impress someone—-however, networking is completely normal. That magazine editor in chief or financier was once in your shoes. It is important to be yourself; your colleagues will appreciate your honest and unique approach.

You’re not the first: Many times young professionals will build up the networking event or meeting in their mind; it is important to understand that supervisors and managers have networked with young professionals before. They have heard the same questions before and can offer sage advice to help guide your career. You are not reinventing the wheel by asking a manager what skills you need to promote your organization successfully—it has been asked before—-you are showing them that you have what it takes to succeed.

A real relationship: Once you make a connection with someone be sure not to abuse the relationship by being a ‘taker.’  The relationship must be mutually beneficial for both parties to succeed. If you ask an editor to review your reel, how about offering your time to help log tapes for them? Before you ask for a favor, ask yourself: what can I give in return?

No fear: Don’t be afraid to talk to anyone. Many businesses and entrepreneurs are eager to assist college students and recent grads; people are often willing to help you if you just ask them. Take the risk and talk to that highly successful executive, an opportunity missed is an opportunity lost.

Move on: Inevitably, you may be rejected in your efforts to connect with someone; they will not respond to your email or phone calls. It is paramount to move on and not obsess about this one negative experience. There will be more opportunities to showcase your talents and winning personality, and next time you just might get a ‘yes’ instead of  a ‘no.’

Now that you have the skills for networking it is time to “make the ask.” Whether it’s asking the local bakery to donate cupcakes for an upcoming event or asking a CEO to help cover start-up costs for an organization, there’s a definite science involved. Turns out, it’s not as simple as the old saying, “ask and you shall receive.”

Do your homework: No matter what the need is, big or small, go into the “ask” having done your research. The Internet eliminates any excuses behind walking into a situation without knowing the history of a company or the demographic it targets. Be well prepared  and knowledgeable about the organization or individual you are approaching.

Never underestimate a subject line: Let’s face it, most of us have a full inbox by lunchtime. It’s important to include a stand-out subject line in your emails, like “Girls’ Charity Seeking Your Support” that will prevent the reader from pressing “delete.”  Though the exterior matters, the interior of your email counts most. Keep your message short, polite and to the point. No need to type 500 words for what can be said in only 150.

Everything happens in the follow-up: Be a person of your word and check back with anyone you have reached out to. Following up will show an individual that you are still dedicated and interested in engaging with them. Are you one to forget the follow-up? Mark it in your calendar and don’t shrug it off when the time comes. After all, you were the one to reach out so it’s important that you see the communication through to the end.

Thank You. It’s still the golden word: The message never tires, no matter what age we reach: say thank you! Despite being an in age where email is the primary form of communication, nothing quite compares to a handwritten note. Even after thanking a person look for ways in the future to acknowledge and involve them in future happenings.

They are nothing short of global epidemics. Over 81 million young people are unemployed worldwide. In the U.S. nearly 20% of young people are unemployed–with millions more underemployed–and in countries such as Spain, the youth unemployment rate is as high as 40%. The fact is that the mantra of “work hard, get good grades and go to school to get a job” is dead and antiquated. Young people must leave the resume-handout mindset behind and learn to become self-sufficient entrepreneurs that are capable of generating their own incomes. I believe this is an achievable goal.
2.  What do you consider a “real” job, and why do you encourage young people to avoid it?

A “real” job is one where you work for another individual and see no real value or upside from the work product you produce–or a place that forces you to put all of your eggs into one basket that you are neither holding nor own. In today’s new economy, where layoffs, hiring freezes, automation and corporate greed have become commonplace terms, I think it is unwise to rely on anyone but yourself when it comes to something as vital as your livelihood. To avoid the need for a “real” job, young people need to build simple, unoriginal, unsexy businesses that are capable of generating immediate revenue and can be built over time. We must stop thinking about building the next Facebook and start actually building the next tutoring service or plumbing company.
3.  What is the biggest challenge young entrepreneurs face, and how do you suggest overcoming it?

Young entrepreneurs need to kill their egos. Reality check: your business will probably not become the next Groupon. The “rich by 30″ mentality is setting us back and pushing us down the path of launching start-ups built on nothing more than hopes and dreams. Plain and simple, this is stupid and will bankrupt us. We need to get real–fast–or be doomed to become a lost, foolhardy generation.

4.  What advantages, if any, do Millennials have over other entrepreneurs?

We are the most technologically savvy generation in history and we usually have the ability to scale our lifestyles down to the bare bones necessities. These abilities allow us to create low-budget, minimal infrastructure start-ups with relative ease.

5.  What is your #1 piece of advice for young entrepreneurs?

Be afraid, but not afraid to fail. Failure is GOOD! Be afraid to have never failed. Be afraid to look back on your life and see nothing but dead-end jobs and regrets in your past.
Scott Gerber is a serial entrepreneur, angel investor, media personality, public speaker and the most-syndicated young entrepreneurship columnist in the world. He is the founder and CEO of Gerber Enterprises and founder of the Young Entrepreneur Council. Scott is also the author of the book, Never Get a “Real” Job.

Here is what Jenny had to say about Gen Y and how they approach their job searches and careers:

1. What do you feel Gen Y job seekers have to offer that older (more experienced) candidates don’t?

Gen Y has been brought up using the Internet, watching live, 24/7 news, expecting instant communication and emerging as the world’s first generation of “digital natives.”  Today’s global economy brings new challenges and new rules; it truly is a new world—and Gen Y speaks the native tongue fluently.  Their unique perspective and new thinking –also known as the “Gen Y Way” – brings a new view on a more socially conscious, global world.

2. You mention in your book that Gen Ys have a ‘why not?’ attitude.  What do you mean by this and how is it an asset?

Think about it this way – in your own working environment have you learned more from the folks who have taken your direction as law or those who’ve stepped up to the plate and asked “why”?

In my opinion, an office full of robotic employees can only get you so far.  Gen Y asks questions.  They’re inquisitive and it’s been interesting to see some media thought leadership that’s condoned this quality.

When Gen Y questions the status quo, it’s because they’re looking at the situation through a different lens, and what they see doesn’t add up.  They see that the old ways don’t work—and they can’t help but question why we’d want to continue down the wrong path.  This type of questioning shouldn’t be chastised—it should be celebrated and rewarded!

3. What are employers’ biggest misconceptions about Gen Y?

“‘Generation Whine’ is entitled and needy.”  For the past 15 years, I’ve been able to observe this remarkable group.  What Gen Y really is, is the most misunderstood generation in history.  This group is bringing new perspectives, new values and new thinking to the table – and this is exactly what we need to solve the challenges facing our world today.

They question old thinking and assumptions, and the reality is (as mentioned above) some people don’t like having their feathers ruffled. Gen Y also looks for collaborative methods to get the job done, which can differ from other generations’ beliefs that it’s a one (wo)man show.

At the end of the day, they’re less focused on financial endeavors and more so on creating a new set of life experiences and a balanced living.  Gen Y isn’t whiny; what they are is in constant pursuit of new opportunities to learn and grow.

4. What is Gen Y’s impact on the workforce (positive or negative)?

I’m obviously going to say positive, but don’t take my word for it!  Here in Massachusetts, efforts to attract and retain young, educated talent are a high priority.  The Massachusetts Innovation & Technology Exchange (MITX) launched a “Recruit and Retain” initiative to promote the growing new-media industry in the state, and to counter the misconception that all “cool” innovation is happening on the West Coast.

Today, many mainstream companies are attempting to step up the marketing of New England to attract the up-and-coming talent that is so critically important for innovation and growth.  This effort by MITX and New England companies is indicative of the fact that the world is beginning to place a higher value on the Innovation Generation’s fresh thinking.

One need look no further than President Barack Obama’s utilization of social, collaborative technology in his campaign in order to assess the value of this new type of thinking.

Do you agree with Jenny’s assessment of Gen Y? How do you feel about being a member of this generation or working with Gen Ys? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

As 2010 winds down, your thoughts are probably starting to form about the coming year: What do you want to accomplish in the next 12 months? Where do you want to be at this time next year? While we’ve all tried (and often failed) setting and achieving vague New Year’s Resolutions, many people don’t have a lot of experience with true goal setting, which I define as matching your dreams with a solid plan. If you really want to accomplish things in 2011, here are some tips:

• Be honest about what you really want. In my mind, the first rule of goal setting is to make sure you are truly passionate about achieving the goals you’re setting. If, instead, you’re setting goals because you think you should travel more or your parents think you should give up your freelance career for a “real” job, then you’re not going to be very motivated. I’d rather you set and achieve one goal that truly excites and inspires you than for you to set and achieve 10 goals that aren’t authentic to who you want to be.

• Don’t be afraid to think big. In my experience, one of the biggest mistakes young professionals make is not dreaming big enough. Many people have a tendency to limit their goals unnecessarily. For instance, “I really want to go to law school, but that probably won’t work out so I’ll just look for jobs as a paralegal.” There’s nothing wrong with being realistic, but when you are setting goals, why not start by going after what you really want and then, if necessary, tweaking as you go along? As recommended by inspirational posters and greeting cards everywhere, start by asking yourself, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

• Mark dates on your calendar. Months go by very quickly, but days are long. Similarly, big goals can be daunting, but small tasks are relatively easy. As you’re goal setting, start to think through the small tasks that add up to achieving your biggest dreams. (I’ve heard this called “chunking down” your goals.) For example, if you want to find a new job by June, work backwards on your calendar and start marking in milestones that will help you achieve your goal, such as revising your resume, calling three contacts a week or pre-registering for networking events.  If you want to write a book next year, mark off 30 to 60 minutes each day on your calendar for writing or research time.

• Get some help. There are some great, inexpensive books and tools to help you with goal setting large and small. Two of my favorite resources are Your Best Year Yet: Ten Questions for Making the Next Twelve Months Your Most Successful Ever and an app (for Mac, iPhone and iPad) called Things. You can also work on goal setting with a career coach, career services professional or a friend who agrees to be a goal setting buddy. While no book or app or person can force you to achieve your goals, what these resources and people can provide is accountability. When you submit to a formal, written goal setting process or ask someone to call you once a week to check on your progress, you’re more likely to stay on track.

What other goal setting tips and resources do you recommend? Have you started planning for 2011? Please share!

Top 10 Job Hunting Tips of 2010

I absolutely love end of year lists, and swooned when I found Time.com’s list of The Top 10 of Everything of 2010.

Although Time’s list of lists is pretty comprehensive, ranging from apologies to new species to Twitter moments, I wanted to add my own top 10 list — top 10 tips for job seekers. Here are the tips that readers found most helpful this year.

1. Ask for honest feedback. Recruit a trusted relative, career services staff member, professor or friend to assess you honestly as a job seeker. Ask the person to list your best qualities and most impressive accomplishments. On the flip side, ask for constructive feedback on your weaknesses. Find out if the things you’re most concerned about — lack of experience, a less-than-desirable GPA, shyness, etc. — are legitimate concerns or if you’re obsessing over nothing. If your fears are unfounded, let them go once and for all!

2. Don’t be turned off by the terms “internship” or “part-time.” This tip came from Lauren Porat, co-founder of UrbanInterns.com. In a difficult job market, sometimes you need to be flexible and “settle” for a less-than-perfect opportunity, such as a non-full-time job. According to Lauren, many people have developed incredible careers by serving multiple part-time clients. Also, starting out this way may allow you to get your foot in the door with some very cool, interesting startup companies.

3. Overprepare. Think about your confidence level when you walk into a test for which you’ve studied really thoroughly versus how you feel walking into a test for which you’ve skimmed your notes for ten minutes the night before. Most people don’t realize that a job hunt is something you can study for. Before attending a job fair, spend an hour or two on the websites of companies that will have booths. Before a job interview, spend an hour reading the organization’s website (especially the mission statement, recruiting pages and recent press releases) and study the LinkedIn profiles of the people who will be interviewing you. Read e-newsletters and blogs from your industry to keep up with current events that might be discussed at a networking event. The more preparation you do, the more confident you’ll feel when you interact with recruiters and other professionals you’ll encounter during your job search.

4. Do not ask to “pick someone’s brain.” Okay this one is more about how not to ask me in particular for advice on your job hunt (or anything for that matter!). Some people don’t mind this phrase, but I definitely do. Why? First of all, I think it sounds kind of gross (think about it). Second of all, it is very one-sided: if you are picking my brain, what’s in this conversation for me? It feels as if I’ll be left brainless afterwards. My advice is to always request advice in a way that makes the ask-ee feel respected and like he or she will leave the conversation with something, too.

5. Clean up your online image. According to a recent Microsoft survey, 85 percent of HR professionals responding said that positive online reputation influences their hiring decisions, and 70 percent said they have rejected candidates based on information they found online. Make no mistake about it: your online image will affect your job search and your career. If you haven’t already, set up strict privacy settings on all social networks (often, including on Facebook, the default setting is for all of your information to be public, so check every setting!), take down any inappropriate pictures or content, set up a 100 percent professional profile on LinkedIn and Google, and think twice before posting any new content on Facebook, Twitter or a blog. In many recruiters’ minds, you are what you post.

6. Spell recruiters’ and hiring managers’ names correctly. Of the emails I received responding to a part-time position I posted this year, about half (!) spelled my name wrong. To me, that was an instant sign that a candidate lacked attention to detail. None of these people were called for an interview.

7. Don’t be too early for a job interview. While we’ve all heard the advice never, ever to arrive late to a job interview, employers are equally peeved when you arrive too early. By all means get to the company’s building or parking lot as early as you’d like, but don’t enter the actual office any more than 15 minutes before your scheduled interview time.

8. Focus on what you can do for your employer, not the other way around.
In cover letters, email messages, conversations with recruiters, salary negotiations, etc., make sure you frame your value in terms of what you can offer, not what you need. Recruiters roll their eyes at cover letters that begin with, “I would like to find a position in which I can learn.” Likewise, negotiations fail when you ask for more money because, “I need it.” You’ll have a better chance of getting what you want when you focus your argument on how it will benefit the company in terms of increased sales, more productivity or lower costs. Always ask yourself, “What’s in it for them?”

9. Never call to say “Just following up.” There is a fine line between appropriate persistence and pointless pestering. It is absolutely fine to call or email a recruiter to say thank you for a company information session, to ask a few questions or to mention that you’ll be attending another event they are hosting. But “Just calling to follow up!” doesn’t add much to your candidacy. If you find yourself calling multiple times with no response, you may have to accept the fact that, as the famous dating book title says, this particular employer is just not that into you.

10. It’s never too late to say thank you. I’ve had a lot of students ask me “how late is too late to send a thank you note?” and I truly believe that a thank you is always warranted and always appreciated, even if it comes much later than expected. If you do find yourself sending a belated thank you, simply say something like, “I truly apologize for the delay in thanking you…” or “This note is late but I am deeply grateful…” It’s better to feel a bit awkward and do the right thing than to hope the person doesn’t notice that you never showed your gratitude.

What other job hunting tips were most helpful to you in 2010? Please share!

As we turn the calendar to December, the holiday season is in full swing. Hanukkah is beginning, the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lights are shining and every ad on TV and online relates to shopping, shopping and more shopping.

I plan to do all of my holiday shopping online this year, as I do most of my shopping all year round (yes, I am planning a very nice holiday gift for my UPS guy, who, since I work from a home office, is the person I see most during the day!).

One of the features I’ve seen popping up on more and more e-retailer sites is the “Wish List,” where you can save all of the items you want to buy later or share with your potential gift givers. This got me thinking — wouldn’t it be cool if people had Career Wish Lists?

I’m sure you already have a few ideas of companies you’d love to work for, internships to apply for, jobs that sound interesting, successful entrepreneurs you admire or people you’ve been meaning to talk to for advice or contacts. Why not write all of this down into a Career Wish List?

Open a fresh Word document or buy a crisp new notebook and start an ongoing list of every career possibility that comes to mind. Try not to censor yourself at all; just write. Your Career Wish List (something I call your “Really Big List” in my book, Getting from College to Career), will come in handy in a variety of ways during your career planning and any job search you undertake now or in the future:

• Your Career Wish List will give you assignments. Whenever you feel motivated to work on your career planning, it will serve as a to-do list of opportunities to research. Once you begin to gather information on any idea on your list, you should start a folder for what you find to keep track of it all.

• Your Career Wish List will help you network. Glance through your List to prepare for any informational interview, networking event or meeting with a career counselor. Better yet, bring your list along. The people you meet are likely to know some of the companies or people on your list—or how to reach them. Your list will turn a vague, “Can you help me find a job?” into a specific request for specific leads.

• Your Career Wish List will help you assess yourself. As your list grows, you’ll begin to see patterns of what kinds of opportunities attract you. Perhaps you’ll notice that many of the items on your list point you towards creative jobs, small companies, political work, Asian American mentors, living in Chicago, making a difference, going to graduate school or something else. Or maybe you’ll find a mishmash of stuff—which is okay, too. Don’t see an all-over-the-place list as frustrating; instead, see it as reflecting the fact that a lot of different things will make you happy.

Have you ever tried writing a Career Wish List? Will you start one this season? Please share your thoughts in the Comments!

Here are my top tips:

Email thank yous are acceptable. I admit I’ve changed my mind over the years about email thank you notes. For a long time, I preached the importance of sending handwritten notes through the mail. I still believe that a handwritten note on lovely stationery makes a great impression; however, I’ve come to accept that email thank you notes, even following a job interview, are perfectly fine (just be sure to research your industry and the type of company you’re applying to — some still prefer a handwritten note).

The main reason I now recommend email thank yous is that today’s world moves really fast and if people don’t receive an email from you within 24 to 48 hours of helping you or interviewing you, they assume you haven’t thanked them. Since snail mail can’t arrive this fast, especially in our world of corporate mailrooms and constant business travel, email is your best bet.

All of this said, I do not recommend texting a thank you in any professional situation. Thank you texts are only appropriate for something very casual, such as, “Thnx for wishing me good luck this morning!” (Of course I reserve the right to change my mind on this subject in a few years when email feels too slow!)

A thank you is always appreciated. I try to avoid using the word “always” in any advice I give, but I’ve racked my brain and can’t think of an occasion where a thank you note wouldn’t be a good idea (okay, I probably wouldn’t say, “Thank you for firing me.”). Even if you did send a thank you when it wasn’t necessary, it’s far worse not to say thank you when you should. I am constantly dismayed by the number of students who email me a career question, I answer it, and then I never receive a thank you. When I called out one student for not thanking me after I provided a lot of advice to her by email, she said, “I didn’t want to bother you with another email.” Trust me: a thank you is not a bother! When someone helps you, say thank you. Always. It makes the person feel that his or her time was appreciated, and it makes that person want to help you again in the future.

Here is a list of some of the occasions that deserve a thank you: when someone gives you advice, guidance or any sort of professional help; when someone makes a networking introduction for you; when someone passes along a job posting; when someone takes you as his or her guest to an event; when someone treats you to a meal; and when someone interviews you for a job.

It’s never too late to say thank you. I’ve had a lot of students ask me “how late is too late to send a thank you note?” and I truly believe that a thank you is always warranted and always appreciated, even if it comes much later than expected. If you do find yourself sending a belated thank you, simply say something like, “I truly apologize for the delay in thanking you…” or “This note is late but I am deeply grateful…” It’s better to feel a bit awkward and do the right thing than to hope the person doesn’t notice that you never showed your gratitude.

A thank you doesn’t have to be long. In terms of what to say in a thank you note or email, my advice is to keep it short and genuine. I like to start with the thank you, then mention something specific the person said or did to show I was listening. For instance, “Thank you very much for taking the time to meet with me this morning. I’m especially grateful for your advice to subscribe to Career Bloggers Daily. I’ve already signed up and look forward to reading it! Thank you again and best regards, Lindsey”

What other advice and tips do you have for saying thank you? Please share in the Comments.

p.s. Happy Thanksgiving!

One of the most common recommendations I give to young professionals is to ask more experienced people for advice. After all, there’s no better way to know how to do something than to ask someone who’s “been there, done that.” This is also known as informational interviewing and it’s a great strategy.

However, what I’ve been observing lately is that a lot of students and recent grads don’t know how best to ask for advice and guidance. The better your ask, the better the answers you’ll receive, so here are some tips:

• Make it easy for someone to say yes to your request for help. When you ask someone for advice, be specific about the kind of help you need (job hunting advice, career change advice, etc.), request a specific amount of time (1530 minutes is usually appropriate) and offer to call the person or meet at his or her office at his or her convenience. Then, be sure to confirm 24 hours in advance so the person knows you’ll show up.

• Do not ask to “pick someone’s brain.” Okay this one is more about how not to ask me in particular for advice. Some people don’t mind this phrase, but I definitely do. Why? First of all, I think it sounds kind of gross (think about it). Second of all, it is very one-sided: if you are picking my brain, what’s in this conversation for me? It feels as if I’ll be left brainless afterwards. My advice is to always request advice in a way that makes the ask-ee feel respected and like he or she will leave the conversation with something, too.

• Be specific. Instead of saying, “I’d like to hear some general advice” or “I’m happy to know anything,” show that you’ve done your homework and you are looking for particular advice or tips. For instance, “I know that you started your career in accounting, but you switched over to consulting. I’m thinking of doing the same and would be interested to hear how you made the decision.” Or, “I am not sure what I want to do after graduation, but I know I want to use my writing skills. Can you share some advice on how you’ve built a career with your writing?” It’s perfectly fine to prepare a specific list of a few questions to guide the conversation. Don’t bring a laundry list, though — five questions is about right.

• Request “assignments.” One of the ways to turn an informational interview into a real relationship is to ask for the person to give you a few assignments, such as recommending that you subscribe to a particular industry e-newsletter, join the discussions in a particular LinkedIn group or read a specific business book. The reason I like this strategy is that it gives you a reason to follow up with this person in the future when you’ve accomplished the assignment that he or she has recommended. It’s a way to show that you are a person who listens and takes action, and it sparks another conversation about the action you’ve taken.

• Ask, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Even though you’re a student or just starting out in your career, you never know how you might be able to help another person. By asking this question, you are showing that you understand that the best networking relationships are mutually beneficial. Even if the person doesn’t need anything right now, he or she may want to reach out to you in the future and this question sets up that opportunity.

• Say thank you. I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating. I am constantly shocked at how many students email me for advice, I respond to their request and then I never hear from that student again. I once asked a student why she never thanked me, and she said, “I know you are really busy so I didn’t want to bother you with another email.” Trust me — receiving a thank you is never a bother. Thanking someone after he or she has helped you is an absolute must and will make it more likely that this person will want to help you again in the future.

Do you have any other dos and don’ts for asking more experienced people for advice? Please share!

A few years ago I worked with an excellent life coach who helped me deal with, among other issues, stress. She asked me to bring my calendar to one of our sessions and together we looked at the number of meetings, phone calls, networking events, personal events, deadlines and errands I tried to fit into every week.

“Um, any guesses why you’re stressed?” she asked with a smile.

It suddenly seemed so obvious. My calendar was packed. Overflowing. I was stressed because, like so many people, I was trying to do too much. I was saying yes to absolutely every invitation and project. In the process, I was saying no to my own sanity.

This exercise happened to take place in the fall, so my coach assigned me the challenge of saying no more often in the hopes of clearing more space in my calendar. I decided to declare the 11th month of the year the month of “NO-vember” and say no to every non-essential activity or obligation that came my way during those 30 days. My default answer to every invitation or non-essential assignment (obviously I said yes to existing project deadlines and client requests), became “no,” “not now” or “let me get back to you.”

Here’s what I experienced, and what you might experience if you declare your own month of NO-vember:

• I became clearer on what I really wanted to do. Because I challenged myself to say no more often, when I felt myself desperately wanting to say yes to an opportunity, I realized what I really wanted — which projects got me most excited, which networking events felt most valuable, which activities really moved my career forward.  If you find yourself undecided about where to take your career, try saying no more often and you’ll find the right opportunities make themselves clear and become absolute “yeses.”

• I accomplished more of my short-term and long-term goals. By clearing my calendar, I had time to get things done and start on projects that had been on my to-do list forever. I ended each day with a true sense of accomplishment. I know this is a “duh” — when you have more time, you can accomplish more — but we often forget that if you want to get things done, you have to make time to do things.

• I had more energy. When you work too hard and run from meeting to meeting to phone call to phone call to drinks to dinner to bed, you have no time to stop and refuel. I really do love the buzz and energy of being busy, but the truth is that when I’m really busy and overscheduled, I don’t feel buzzed and energetic; I feel really tired.

And, perhaps most surprising:

• No one really noticed! I thought all of my friends, professional colleagues and others would react negatively to my nos. I thought I’d lose multiple opportunities. I thought I’d get angry emails or phone calls from people who felt ignored or rejected. Instead, almost every time I said no to something, the response was, “okay.” Could it be that other people say no all the time? As a long-time people-pleaser, this was a revelation. I though you had to say “yes” all the time to be successful. What I learned in my month of NO-vember is that it is absolutely okay to say “no,” “not now” or “let me think about it” any month of the year.

I hope you’ll consider saying no more often this month or any month. And, as you’ve probably guessed, if you have a request for me this November, the answer will probably be a polite but firm NO.